As a parent of a young son I have often felt frustrated by the demands for my time beyond the usual abundance of time that is required by any parent. Why does he mention that I’ve only played three games with him today instead of five? Why does he want me by his side while watching a movie, playing with toys or just sitting in his fort? Because his primary love language is quality time. Part of my frustration was not understanding the importance of quality time in his young life, and not sharing the same love language.
In his book, The Five Love Languages of Children, Gary Chapman addresses the importance of communicating love to your children by understanding their primary love language (the way they express and receive love). The five love languages he identifies are: quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service and physical touch.
Quality time is giving your child the gift of your presence and undivided attention. Words of affirmation are words that express affection, praise and encouragement.
Giving gifts is an expression of love either by the gift itself or the way it is presented to your child.
Acts of service is doing age-appropriate tasks for your child such as fixing their bike or cooking their favorite meal.
Physical touch can be a gentle pat on the back, a hug or wrestling with your child.
If you are wondering what your children’s love languages are, observe how they primarily express love to others and what makes them light up. Most children enjoy receiving gifts, but a child whose primary love language is gifts will tend to give or make gifts for others on a regular basis and treasure what they receive as gifts. In the case with my son, it was listening to what he most frequently complained that I didn’t do enough of that helped me understand the importance of quality time for him. I now understand that intentionally giving him my undivided attention at times throughout the day is crucial to him feeling loved by me. May this encourage you to observe and remember your own children’s love languages, and to enjoy the benefits of an enhanced relationship with them.
In his book, The Five Love Languages of Children, Gary Chapman addresses the importance of communicating love to your children by understanding their primary love language (the way they express and receive love). The five love languages he identifies are: quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service and physical touch.
Quality time is giving your child the gift of your presence and undivided attention. Words of affirmation are words that express affection, praise and encouragement.
Giving gifts is an expression of love either by the gift itself or the way it is presented to your child.
Acts of service is doing age-appropriate tasks for your child such as fixing their bike or cooking their favorite meal.
Physical touch can be a gentle pat on the back, a hug or wrestling with your child.
If you are wondering what your children’s love languages are, observe how they primarily express love to others and what makes them light up. Most children enjoy receiving gifts, but a child whose primary love language is gifts will tend to give or make gifts for others on a regular basis and treasure what they receive as gifts. In the case with my son, it was listening to what he most frequently complained that I didn’t do enough of that helped me understand the importance of quality time for him. I now understand that intentionally giving him my undivided attention at times throughout the day is crucial to him feeling loved by me. May this encourage you to observe and remember your own children’s love languages, and to enjoy the benefits of an enhanced relationship with them.
